Crecimiento personal de la vida (Personal Growth from Life)

Grande, R. (2012). The Distance between Us: A Memoir. New York, NY: Washington Square Press.

It is not every day that a book comes along and impacts your life or your perception but this book has for me. From the first page of the book we are given an image of a young girl living in Mexico who is not self-assured, who was abandoned and who has not found their voice yet. As the story progresses, the young girl grows up and begins to find her strength and courage. By the end of the book, we see the young girl’s journey come to an end, and now she is a strong, confident woman who worked hard to be where she is. This truly inspirational story paints the picture of diversity and the journey of life that everyone must take. Not everyone’s path will take them on the same road, but there will be defining moments like the ones in Reyna’s life and these moments will allow you to shape your life in the way you would like to go.

As I sit here and reflect on the book as a whole, I imagine what my defining moments are. These defining moments may be small or large and may not be as noticeable right now. I look at the first defining moment I ever had, when my father died, and at the time, that moment did not look like something that would cause me personal growth but after the pain, I realized that this moment would allow me to have empathy and compassion and the willingness to help people in a world that just seems so negative. My first defining moment was large and sad, but this affected my life and made me who I am today. Just like the first defining moment that Reyna shares great detail about affected her life. She was left handed and was always told to write right handed because left handedness was of the devil. When she finally decides that she will be herself instead and write left handed no matter what, we see a dramatic difference in her life that would carry over into her life in El Otro Lado.

The overall, book was wonderful and was touching and if allowed, it will change your way of thinking. The book shares personal details of Reyna’s life and allows us to see first-hand a snapshot of what immigrants go through in their everyday life. It also shows how one moment in your life can shape you and turn you into something great and how you may not realize the affect yet, but one day you will look back and see how important that moment was in your life. With that being said, I recommend you read this inspirational book and take a look at your life and see if you can find a defining moment that has shaped who you are.

My Rating: *****

La vida en el otro lado (Life on the Other Side)

Grande, R. (2012). The Distance between Us: A Memoir. (pp. 160-322). New York, NY: Washington Square Press.

My expectation: In this final section of the book, my expectation was to witness Reyna’s personal growth as she experienced America and the cultures within this new country as she tries to succeed and make her way to bigger and better things. Additionally, it was my expectation that, I, as the reader, would learn more about the differing cultures and how it can be difficult for immigrants to not only leave behind everything they have ever known to come to a new country but also to see how they view society and what life is like for them once they reach America.

This final section of The Distance Between Us lived up to expectation. The section was all about Reyna and her family’s journey in America as they fought to succeed. In this section, we see the hardship that is faced when Reyna’s father’s sister steals the house that Reyna’s father paid for and how this act broke him to the point that he basically gave up on everything. Then we see how Reyna, even after this, pushes forward and continues to succeed and works her hardest to be who she wants to be. As we proceed through the rest of this section, we see that Reyna’s father is very sick and at the close of the book she makes some of the most profound statements in the book. On page 322, as Reyna begins to discuss her father’s condition of needing dialysis and she progresses towards her father’s ultimate ending, she makes some realizations. She states that her father needed her company and conversation and the overarching thing he needed was her forgiveness. The most profound thing that she states brings the book to a close:

The day before my thirty-sixth birthday, I found myself at my father’s hospital bed as his life support was turned off. As I held my father’s hand, and my life with him flashed through my mind, I thought about that question that I had always asked myself: If I had known what life with my father would be like, would I have still followed him to El Otro Lado?

You made me who I am, I thought as he took his last breath. And I knew then that the answer to my question was yes.

This final statement, in my opinion, was a general and specific statement. The specific side of the statement lies in relation to her father. Although life in Mexico and in America was hard, Reyna worked hard at both and because of everything that she went through with her father and coming with him to America, it made her who she would inevitably become. The general statement here lies in relation to America and Mexico. Throughout this entire book, we follow the personal and intellectual growth of a girl who lived in Mexico and then migrated to America. This final statement could be interpreted as a closing statement of acknowledgement of how her journey in Mexico then to America, and within America shaped the person who she would become.

Although the book concludes on a somber ending with a conclusion statement that can be left up to interpretation, this final section is meant as an enlightenment section. Instead of complaining about her father’s death and how depressing it was, she decides to give her readers the closure that she received after contemplating her life. This final page offers great insight into her personal feelings and overall growth throughout her journey and allows the reader to see her attempt at saying that we need to evaluate our lives and see that everywhere we have been and everything we have been through has shaped our lives and no matter what happens, it will always be worth it in the end.

"I'd never seen such a healthy looking baby."

Grande, R. 2012. The Distance Between Us: A Memoir. (pp.69-72) New York, NY: Washington Square Press.

Reyna and her siblings had gone to the well to get some water for the house.  It is just normal day. The three of them are discussing their plans for later that evening with Tia Emperatriz.  As they arrive at the house Reyna notices a woman standing there.  The woman is holding a baby in her hands.  It finally hits Reyna - the woman is her mother.  Seeing her mother confused Reyna, but mostly because of the baby in her hands.  This was Reyna's sister.  She had heard of her, but never before had she seen her.  Yet another moment that Reyna will never forget.  Her first thought about the baby was "This little girl must have a lot of good food to eat, wherever she lives."   
Immediately Reyna notices a difference in her and her little sister.  These differences that Reyna sees are not a result of genetics.  They are a result of an upbringing - a lifestyle.  Reyna and her new little sister Elizabeth had the same parents, the same blood, but they had a completely different start, and Reyna noticed this.  I think Reyna was hurt by this.  Why couldn't she have had that chance?  Elizabeth will never know what it has been like for Reyna and her other two siblings.  She will never have to experience even the walk back from the well that Reyna just got back from.

While I think Reyna is somewhat hurt by the possible thought of this, we see that she takes comfort in being re-united with her mother.  As she carefully goes to hug her mother memories flood her mind.  Memories of who her mother was that she had seemed to have forgotten somewhere along the way.  But Reyna didn't only see these memories.  She saw a completely different future.  One without carrying water from wells.  One without being scolded by her grandmother.  One without sleeping in a room that smelt of beer, sweat, and cigarettes.  She was a future with her mother.  One with her father.  Her two older siblings and her new youngest sibling.  She saw a future with a brick house and a bedroom.  She was a future that was made passible by "El Otro Lado."

Where Would You Be?

Grande, R. (2012). The Distance Between Us: A Memoir. New York, NY: Washington Square Press.

Reyna's childhood had a major impact on her life. Growing up in Iguala, she faced the worst circumstances any child could have ever been faced with. The things she went through while growing up helped shape her into the person she is today. All the neglect, poverty, and struggles she faced she gives credit as to the things that helped shape her character. We've all faced certain circumstances where we wonder how it changed us as a person. Every thing we have come in contact with has played some role in shaping us into the person we are today. Seeing what she went through and how she is now makes me think about my life and how I would be if things would have turned out differently from situation to situation.

 

Tough Love

Grande, R. (2012). The Distance Between Us: A Memoir. New York, NY: Washington Square Press.

Throughout the memoir, Reyna discusses the abuse they received from her father.  Many times she would talk about the times her father would go into a rage because of alcoholism. There were times where she tried to see how his life growing up made him the person he was and that she kept trying to forgive him for the things he would do to her and her siblings. Because of this attitude though, she was shaped into the person she became. She became a legal citizen and escaped that life of poverty and abuse. 

So many families suffer this same abuse, especially those in poverty. I've heard so many stories of people growing up getting beat by their father who are on an alcoholic rampage and everyday coming home from school they wouldn't know if they were going to get beat or not. Looking at where they are now, they've made huge successes of themselves and bettered their lives. I believe part of this is because they don't want to ever go through that pain of not knowing what they would come home to whether it's physical abuse, a financial situation, or any other factors. It's like Reyna was almost bringing up the point that if her father wouldn't have treated them the way he did, she may not be the person she is today. Sometimes tough love is what shapes a person to be the absolute best they can be. 

Where are we off to today?

Grande, R. 2012. The Distance Between Us: A Memoir. (pp.31) New York, NY: Washington Square Press.

At the beginning of chapter four we finally see what I would consider a happy moment.  Reyna, Carlos, and Mago went to the vacant lot down the road where there was a car they would play in.  Reyna mentions that she likes to believe her Papi use to come out here and play as a kid.  I think it is neat to see Reyna thinking of her father in this light.  Carlos, Reyna's brother, asked Reyna where they we going to today.  Her response was, "El Otro Lado!"  

Reyna is envisioning herself and her siblings going to be with their parents.  This is where her imagination is taking her.  It is taking her to a hopeful place where she is reunited with her mother and father.  I like to imagine that Reyna imagines that they have a house - one made of bricks like her mother tells her about.  They are all sitting on their couch cuddled up watching tv.  The kids are dosing off and their mom tells them to go to their rooms for bed.  Rooms.  They each have their own room.  Reyna wonders what that could even be like.  The thought makes her so happy.  It is wonderful to see the joy that Reyna is able to find through everything she is going through.

Facing Adversity

Grande, R. (2012). The Distance Between Us: A Memoir. New York, NY: Washington Square Press. 

Throughout this book, we are opened into the life of poverty from the veryhcorpions crawling on the wall, it pits it in perspective of how blessed we are to be in the situation we are in right now. Reading everything they had to go through really made me think about lucky we are and all the things we take for granted. It's so easy for us to take the small things in life like a shower, coke, candy bar, things like that and just go grab one when we want it. This family had to sacrifice time with their family so that way they could have the absolute necessities. Not only did they have to sacrifice time with each other, but they were faced with discrimination in the classroom and physical abuse when they come home to their father. Being able to have a safe place to sleep when we come home and able to communicate with others without the aid of a translator is truly a blessing that not everyone gets to receive everyday and the seer determination of this family really impacts me.